Of all times, this had to be when he contacts me. This morning, sitting on john, I asked god for a sign, any sign. Of course, nothing happened immediately - what could? the toilet could not very well bite me in the ass.
Hours later, its him, the man-boy, the bastard, the poison, the honey. More than six months of being dead to me, he contacts me during the most crucial time in the relationship with the man who's everything that he is not.
I was so shocked, to see his name on the computer screen, shocked to see it in the clear blue font. My hand was shaking.
The conversation was exhilarating. He's the same, he's different, a bit tempered. He got fired, he fell in love. Three hours of catch-up, jokes, and reminiscence.
I feel... relief. Finally, closure. Two fuckin months of waiting to get this out. I used to have conversations with him in my head, pretending I ran into him on the street. I would talk to him about the state of my life, my emotions, and lie about being over him. Some psychologist once said that such behavior is therapeutic. I felt fuckin insane.
But now, an almost redemption. He apologized (not that that's important) and stated regret for what he's lost (this is important, at least for my silly ego). And it seems that I have a new friend. I can't really make sense of this, I can't really say that this is a sign, except maybe a sign of progress.
I've made a mess of things with you, babe. I said a bunch of stupid shit. I'm sorry. I'll fix things as soon as I figure everything out myself.
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