Somewhere in this whirlwind summer, in my growth and self-exploration, in all this mess, I lost my grasp on a thing most important. I forgot my compassion, my sensitivity, my warmth.
I, quaking in my struggles, realized that people can be easily maneuvered if I used the right tactics. These tactics were borne out of survival, but I soon deployed them to exert influence, to entertain myself, to achieve a momentary high. But these tactics separated me from humanity. People seemed like machines to me: I push the right buttons, and they pop out the right response. But substantial interaction was scarce. To me, people were distant and incomprehensible. I became a warlock in a tower, demonized by power, my own humanity forgotten.
I treated many people wrongly. I'm sorry. Thank you to those who perceived this shift in me, and helped me along. I'm balancing. I'm trying.
previous - next