I was playing Snood tonight. Damned mindless game soothes like meditation. Allows me to mull things over whilst being amused by colorful shooting objects. I was thinking about K.
If anything, K is a bad match for me. He is the anti-romantic, the anti-intellect - in an array of ways, the antithesis of how I define myself. But there's something about him that I just can't leave alone. And I'm thinking its something beyond amazing sexual chemistry.
Perhaps I feel that I can learn much from him, or that I'm eager to explore different facets of myself through him. However, being a silly romantic, it is unlike me to enter into a relationship that does not yield soulmate possibility. Am I settling for the sake of a learning experience?
But then I think, the mutual respect and admiration is there. The great sex is there. I enjoy spending time with him. In so many ways, this is a lovely relationship.
But then, where has the romantic in me gone? Do I just think things away now? Change what can't dealt with? Is there no fidelity to my ideals?
It has only been one month since summer commenced. But in this month, there has been a maelstorm of events, both exciting and surreal. I've changed. Everything's changed. I've been slow to digest such changes, and most of all, I'm not sure how to handle such shaky uncertainty, such a lack of some solid definitive to fall back on.
At times like this, I wish I were a moral absolutist :)
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